Growing in Grace

We all struggle with our thoughts, emotions, and feelings at one point or another. Sometimes we experience struggles back to back. Sometimes these struggles only come once in a while, but when they present themselves they are heavy and feel overwhelming.

As a person who is constantly questioning and reflecting on my experiences, so that I may see my relationship to this existence more clearly… I often find I do not allow myself to fully feel my emotions when faced with these struggles.

Often when I start to feel overwhelmed with emotions from stressful situations, I tend to reason them away. I tend to reflect so much on the situation that I don’t allow myself to fully feel and process my emotions. I starting realizing this pattern as I was presented with trying situations the past two weeks.

In the moments of emotional struggle that hardest part for me to reconcile is that I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling bad because I feel like I know better. I know that all of our experiences are here to teach us something about ourselves. I know that the way we perceive our emotions is just a thought that we’ve been programmed with. For example… Crying over spilled milk. Why would we cry over spilling our milk if there wasn’t some expectation attached to it. And what is an expectation but a thought we’ve intended for a specific experience.

I realize that our emotions are REAL. We do really feel them. They really affect us physically. We feel a pain in our chest when our heart hurts, we feel flutters in our stomach when we’re nervous. These are all real experiences. Our emotions effect us in our physical body, but first we react through thought about experiences and that is what determines the emotions we feel.

How do we determine how we react to a situation… through an assumption or expectation of how the situation will turn out.

Honestly, I was struggling the past two weeks.  I was feeling dark, selfish and self centered. Feeling bad that I only focus on what I desire, what I wish for, what I want…. on what makes me happy in the immediate moment. Feeling like nothing special, like I am not a great being. I am only me, living this existence each moment based off how I want. I felt selfish, horribly selfish…and the hardest part for me to reconcile is that I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling bad because I am light.

Even if we are aware of the light within us, we are still human. We still have thoughts and experiences that involve a full range of emotions. That’s what we are here to do…. experience.

We are here, meant to experience…. if we can become the best person possible through these experiences then why wouldn’t we want to experience everything we can. So when faced with struggles I say… “why not me?” This changes my perspective from… victim of circumstance to ceeqer of self; a C.E.E.Q.E.R. is one who creates, explores, experiments, questions, expresses and reflects on oneself and ones experiences.

My best friend Amber has been pulling cards for us from the I Am Power Deck by Devin at Mystic Moons Tarot  for the past few weeks.

This week’s cards were …

What we need to know: I am Light.
What we need to show: I am Human
What we need to grow: I am Thankful

This reading is perfect… we need to remember and know that we are Light… living a human experience. We need to share with one another and show that we are human. It is important to show our human side, because without it we would not be… and so we shall be thankful.

Knowing we are light, and showing we are human through grace.

Raine Dawn

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