Its always darkest before the dawn…

Recently I’ve wanted to paint more, however all things have not aligned for me to do so, whether its time or energy.  I realize things are cycles but the feelings I’ve been getting have been pretty deep…

My heart keeps saying… Paint, Paint, Paint… be creative, but my mind goes through a process of elimination…. “you don’t have enough time, you don’t know what you want to create, you’ll get interrupted, its too much work.” All of these thoughts constantly swirl through my mind… but my heart keeps beating “Paint, Paint, Paint.”

The other day I was sitting around thinking about painting… feeling like perhaps its not what I should be doing with my time and energy. Maybe I’m supposed to do something more productive, using my time in a more valuable way. Maybe painting isn’t a focus of my life path anymore….. and then my phone buzzed, literally as soon as my thought had completed….

It was the universe answering me…

Almost a year ago I hung some of my artwork at my friend Jaime’s wellness center Relaxing Note. It wasn’t until recently that people started purchasing my paintings there.  The other day was one of those days… right as I was questioning wanting to put more focus into painting, when I was questioning if it was valuable and apart of my path to keep painting… the universe sent this message to me…

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This was such a wake up call, the angels were definitely speaking to me. I often ask for their guidance when it comes to any unalignment I might feel between my head and my heart and on Saturday they showed up to tell me something…. keep painting.

Its like there’s something keeping me from picking up a brush and putting it in some paint and just doing the thing. Its not like I’m painting any specific image, as I figure doing an intuitive painting would be the easiest to start with…. though I’m not sure that’s the case. I was able to draw 4 different pictures out… specific imagery and clean lines. Nothing too intuitive about them… so why does it feel so hard to just put some paint on the canvas!

 

I start to ask myself why is that I want to paint but feel unable to take action. What can I do or should I do to start painting… to begin a painting. I go into my studio, I clear off the desk, hang a painting and stand there and stare at it… unable to move… so I pulled some cards…

patience

Whoa… talk about affirmation.

Abundance:  Accepting the inner world and denying the outer world, or vice versa keeps us half… and no one who is half can be contented.  We must be whole, rich in body, rich in science; rich in meditation, rich in consciousness. We must support our masculine and feminine energies within.

Remembering its all about the balance within and without.

New Vision: Seeing life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experiences that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have  a very different perspective on the world.  By allowing all of life’s colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

This was how my whole thought about painting started… is there a different perspective I should be seeing my creative energies…other than through painting? Is it ok for me to not be painting even though I feel like I should be? And with that thought I started to feel like I wasn’t aligned, like I was missing something… however I’m constantly realizing there is no missing something… everything is as it should be.

When your inner being opens, first it experiences two directions… the height and depth, and then slowly as this becomes your established situation, we start looking around, spreading into all other directions.  This is known as Bhagavat in the ten directions.

Once your height and depth meet, you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.

Trust: NOW is the moment to jump. Move into the unknown…even if it scares us to death. When we take trust to the level of the quantum leap we don’t make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don’t say “okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I’ll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me.” The leap is the thing…and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. When we trust, only then can we put our mind aside and open up to the immense infinity we are connected to. Nothing can be taken from us… We cannot lose our real treasure.

Trusting that nothing is wrong… that everything is right, even though I FEEL like there is something out of alignment. Trust and take the leap, just do it.

Silence: Now is a very precious time. Rest inside. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do. It might make you uncomfortable, accustomed as you are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; Seek out those who can resonate with your silence and enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself.  The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.

The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life. Wow.

Patience: We have forgotten how to wait. There are times when the only thing to do is to wait. The seed has been planted, the child is growing in the womb, the oyster is coating the grain of sand and making it into a pearl. This card reminds us that now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting….contented with no trace of anxiety.

So with this reading I see… my anxiety over if I am doing what I should be doing, or if I am spending my time in the best possible way, is really me not seeing that all is always as it should be.  This is a time for trusting in the silence and having patience in the manifestation of new vision.

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