Compromise

I was talking to Landyn this morning about how summer camp has been going, and what I noticed. The kids are having a fantastic time! They get to choose between 5 different “environments” 3 times a day, as well as participate in group activities where they have a chance to earn points for their team. Each camper has been placed on either the green or the white team, and can earn points for their team by winning challenges or being chosen as camper of the day!

So I realized that my children are very competitive. They really like to win… and when they don’t win they have a hard time accepting it.  Both Element and Landyn got out a few times during group challenges, and both of them had to voice reasons why they weren’t out… rather than just sitting down and taking the loss.

They weren’t bad sports, they weren’t rude or disrespectful… they just… “challenged the call” so to speak.  I have to be honest, I was both excited at seeing this and a little set back.

So on the car ride to camp this morning, we discussed what co-creating might consist of, and how it might look.

We discussed that when you want to play the game, you have to take into consideration that there are other players and you are all agreeing on the rules of the game.  If there was a group of 10 players, or co-creators, who decided to play a game, or create a community/reality together, there would be 10 different perspectives agreeing upon one.

What if one person in the group didn’t agree with the perspectives of the other 9!? That doesn’t make the one persons perspective wrong, it just means that the majority see the situation differently, or are just choosing to agree that its one way.

Landyn said his disagreement with being out was because he really believed he wasn’t out and that it was the other kid. But the other players in the game had a different perspective, and agreed he was out.

So we discussed how if someone wants to play a game, they have to realize that the majority rules…. and to see perhaps why they rule. The majority rules because they have more points of view on the circle so to speak.  That if the topic was a dot in the middle of a circle and each players position on the circle determined their perspective. If 9 of the 10 points on the circle see the topic as one thing then that makes the thing reality.  I don’t say truth because this instance doesn’t have to do with truth but with co-creating. Everyone has only their own truth… in which they create their own will. When it comes to co-creating a community/culture/idea, everyone’s perspective gets taken into consideration…however there must be compromise.

In creating something new, each person must give something of themselves. Its with this action that there is space created…. a compromise so that the new idea has space to surface.

If you want to play the game you must be willing to compromise. You don’t have to compromise if you don’t want to play the game. We always have the option of playing alone… or sometimes it could be a matter of just finding different people to play with.

It all comes down to truly being aware of what we want to do and why.  Do we want to play the game because we enjoy the interaction with other people? Do we play because we are excited by the possibility of winning? If we only play because we want to win, will we just give up when we lose or will we continue to try until we do win? Or maybe a person doesn’t want to win that bad, so they decide to go play a different game.

I explained to Landyn that there isn’t a right or wrong choice, that he can chose whatever he wants and he doesn’t have to feel bad if other people don’t agree. But that its really important to know why he chooses it and to be respectful of other peoples choices. Our choices should be chosen out of love for who we are… because we are here to remember who we are and to be the best we can be.

This practice also includes being respectful. Being the best we can be means to be love, and when we are love we are respectful towards others and realize that if we have the choice to be the best us without being hindered by others, that other people have the same right.

What if everyone lived with this realization on a daily basis. That we are all different, and its ok. As a matter of fact… its a beautiful thing that we are all different… and its very important! Because each of us has a different perspective on this thing called life. If we can celebrate each others perspectives and learn something from them to help us see ourselves better then we can all grow together.

So back to compromise…it is an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions, and necessary when playing with others.

Com- together
Promise- agree

Our culture has us believing that compromising is a bad thing because we are accepting standards that are lower than desired. Its important to recognize that we usually stop there and say… oh this isn’t what I desire so I’m not doing it…. but we should be digging deeper to more substantial desires, over instant gratification.

Do we desire recognition, or respect.
Do we desire material gain, or personal growth.
Do we desire independence, or building community.
Do we desire being right, or learning to be better.

So many life lessons happening.

<3