Divine I Am Existence

trial and transformation

Lately I’ve been thinking about writing, but haven’t had the clarity to do so. These past few months have been a whirlwind of growth. Growth initiated by self reflection, through what feels like trial by fire.

Mother earth is also going through trial by fire… there are major earth quakes and volcanic eruptions happening right now. Fires taking over the lands. Things are shifting and changing.

I have noticed many synchronicities with this change… the planets have aligned in such a way the past few months that its only inevitable that our theme on earth is transformation. With the moon in Scorpio this past week, as well as Chiron in Aries, brings up a lot of healing.

The theme is dying to the past, breaking free, and healing….. and it resonates on so many levels.

There are 3 expressions of Chiron energy, corresponding to the 3 Chiron archetypes:

  1. The 1st expression of Chiron is the Wounded Healer. The energy is similar to Saturn. You cannot heal yourself unless you know where it hurts. The first stage of healing is acknowledging the wound. And although you might think you know what your problem is, you most probably don’t. If only it was that simple! The Wounded Healer is the dormant, unconscious expression of Chiron.
  2. The 2nd Chiron archetype is the Shaman – this is the intermediate expression of Chiron, representing the struggle to accept that pain is part of life, but also the opportunity that comes with this awareness. In this stage of Chironic development, we start to acknowledge our wound, and attempt to heal it. All the struggles we humans go through happen because we fail to integrate the broken parts inside of us. Think about the big decisions in your life, your failures, and missed opportunities. There was one part of you who wanted something, and another part who wanted something else. There are parts of you which you love and accept, and parts of you which you despise and try to dissociate from. But unless you learn to bring together all these broken parts, you can never bring to light your highest potential.
  3. The 3rd Chiron archetype is the Alchemist. The energy is similar to Uranus. This is the highest expression of Chiron. In this form, Chiron has transcended his limitations. He has healed his wound and transformed it into a gift. Just like Chiron transformed into the constellation of Centaurus, the Alchemist-Chiron is a symbol of transcendence, of reaching a higher level of awareness.

What is your Chiron Archetype?

This really reminds me of a dream I had a few years ago, where my healing came from my breathing.

I was following a young man through buildings and fields and through lots of mud… ending up at the bottom of a little hill. We slowly walked up the hill together and when we got to the top there were two stone circular fire pits in line with each other. The man stopped at the fire pit closest to the hill and told me I knew what I had to do, and to go on. He stayed back.

I noticed that I immediately had a feeling of needing him to come with me to show me how to do something or to do it with me…but I walked up to the second fire pit alone and there was a stand in front of it that felt like it had a magick book on it, but I didn’t need to use it… I simply needed to look into the pit.

As I looked down, this HUGE black energetic being exploded from the center of the pit. She was as tall as an redwood tree… and I could feel her like she was me. My consciousness would go back and forth between her view of me down below and my view of her up so high. When I was in her view I could feel fear… I could feel her inclination to be afraid…but it was also mine….they were connected. She had huge black wings, with many feathers and there were these small black angry dogs barking up at her and growling at her, coming at her but never touching or harming her.

As I started to feel the fear rise I started to breath consciously… slowing my breath, and immediately the dogs disappeared and she transformed.

She was no longer black, but rather red, green and gold. Her feathers were more like leaves now, and they were flowing all around her in a whirlwind… she was less afraid but still unsure. I could feel her hesitant energy, as if something might happen at any moment. I was so nervous by all of this… the only thing I could remember to do was breathe…. so again I changed my breathing and slowed it down.

Centering myself through breath, she instantly changed a third time into an iridescent rainbow crystal light being. She was no longer afraid, she was not even hesitant…she simply was… magnificent.

As I looked up at her light she whispered into my heart…. let go, and I immediately fell forward into the fire pit….no fear of falling… and with that beautiful surrender I began to fly. I fly over the trees, through the clouds, around in circles over beautiful fields and forests and finally land along the tree line, between forest and field and my two little ones walk up beside me, take my hand and join my journey as we walk out into the field together where there was a beautiful large brick house that was ours.

To me, this dream represents these three archetypes. I can see how the three beings I encountered can represent me as the wounded healer, the shaman and the alchemist perfectly. I had this dream so long ago, and it has always been there as a reminder during times of change. But I know now, this is the time… this was what the dream was talking about… the time has come.

<3 Migwetch and Gizaagi’in

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Love the Light and the Dark

Its been a while since I’ve dedicated time to write and share… I have thought about it a lot, I just seemed to have writers block for the best few months. Creative block would be more like it…. at least that’s how it feels. It feels as though how I walk my path doesn’t always meet my expectations of how I think I should be walking my path. .

I realize that resting and not creating like I think I should doesn’t necessarily mean that I have a block that needs to be removed. I think the idea of “writers block” being something negative really limits us.

It’s all about allowing our shadows and lows to be what they are… to not try to get rid of them, but to see them… and love them. Allowing them to be what they are and learning new things about ourselves from them. When we try to get rid of our negative feelings and thoughts we are missing a huge opportunity to grow. What we really want is to be able to be content in our being at any moment… that doesn’t mean we do not experience the lows, on the contrary it means experiencing all that life has … its ups and downs while being able to be still and remain centered through it all. To know that no matter what comes, we are exactly as we are supposed to be and the universe is supporting us.

So these past few months I have been learning to love my shadows, to work with my lows, and to be easy on myself during these times. To not expect so much from myself all the time, and to be present in the times I feel like I “should” be doing something else.

Life is cyclic… things come and go… its all about how we choose to perceive these things that determine how we grow.

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. For today, I choose to walk my path with patience and compassion for myself wherever I am and how ever I am feeling.

How will you walk your path?



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Growing in Grace

We all struggle with our thoughts, emotions, and feelings at one point or another. Sometimes we experience struggles back to back. Sometimes these struggles only come once in a while, but when they present themselves they are heavy and feel overwhelming.

As a person who is constantly questioning and reflecting on my experiences, so that I may see my relationship to this existence more clearly… I often find I do not allow myself to fully feel my emotions when faced with these struggles.

Often when I start to feel overwhelmed with emotions from stressful situations, I tend to reason them away. I tend to reflect so much on the situation that I don’t allow myself to fully feel and process my emotions. I starting realizing this pattern as I was presented with trying situations the past two weeks.

In the moments of emotional struggle that hardest part for me to reconcile is that I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling bad because I feel like I know better. I know that all of our experiences are here to teach us something about ourselves. I know that the way we perceive our emotions is just a thought that we’ve been programmed with. For example… Crying over spilled milk. Why would we cry over spilling our milk if there wasn’t some expectation attached to it. And what is an expectation but a thought we’ve intended for a specific experience.

I realize that our emotions are REAL. We do really feel them. They really affect us physically. We feel a pain in our chest when our heart hurts, we feel flutters in our stomach when we’re nervous. These are all real experiences. Our emotions effect us in our physical body, but first we react through thought about experiences and that is what determines the emotions we feel.

How do we determine how we react to a situation… through an assumption or expectation of how the situation will turn out.

Honestly, I was struggling the past two weeks.  I was feeling dark, selfish and self centered. Feeling bad that I only focus on what I desire, what I wish for, what I want…. on what makes me happy in the immediate moment. Feeling like nothing special, like I am not a great being. I am only me, living this existence each moment based off how I want. I felt selfish, horribly selfish…and the hardest part for me to reconcile is that I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling bad because I am light.

Even if we are aware of the light within us, we are still human. We still have thoughts and experiences that involve a full range of emotions. That’s what we are here to do…. experience.

We are here, meant to experience…. if we can become the best person possible through these experiences then why wouldn’t we want to experience everything we can. So when faced with struggles I say… “why not me?” This changes my perspective from… victim of circumstance to ceeqer of self; a C.E.E.Q.E.R. is one who creates, explores, experiments, questions, expresses and reflects on oneself and ones experiences.

My best friend Amber has been pulling cards for us from the I Am Power Deck by Devin at Mystic Moons Tarot  for the past few weeks.

This week’s cards were …

What we need to know: I am Light.
What we need to show: I am Human
What we need to grow: I am Thankful

This reading is perfect… we need to remember and know that we are Light… living a human experience. We need to share with one another and show that we are human. It is important to show our human side, because without it we would not be… and so we shall be thankful.

Knowing we are light, and showing we are human through grace.

Raine Dawn

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BEing open

Everyday is a new day to allow yourself to be…
open to receiving love
open to receiving light
open to life

Your presence
Your existence
Your awareness of self
Your desire to dig deeper
Into all aspects of that which makes you
Lights my path
Making my journey to self brighter
I experience freedom and space
When you’re authentically yourself
I can be authentically me
For this I am filled

With Gratitude.

Migwetch & Gizaagiin
Raine Dawn

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I have off of work today!  Its wonderful being able to have an extra day with my family to take time for me. Today is the Hebrew Holiday Yom Kippur. So I thought, well if I am able to have a day off because of a belief a group of people have, I’d like to know more about where all the energy of the day is going, or why its a day to observe.

Having spent time looking into the Kabbalah and how it fits into the idea of energy. I work with energies a lot, I am constantly around different people’s energy and the energy of millions of technologies. I know the earth has an energy field and that all things have energy that vibrates. So I look at each philosophy and I look inward to find the common thread of each, since they all work with energy of some sort.

I love what I found out, through researching, about today…

Yom Kippur designates the completion of the creation process of the soul. It then becomes capable of receiving the Creator’s Light. On that day we reach a spiritual degree where the vessel can receive the entire Light of the Creator, meaning at this stage it is ready, but still empty.

The days between Yom Kippur and Sukkot are days of detachment from the previous situation. The Surrounding Light begins to gradually enter the soul on Sukkot. It is called “Surrounding Light” until the holiday of Sukkot, because it remains outside the soul. But once inside it is regarded as “Inner Light.”

It also says that during Yom Kippur one fasts from things in order to keep their vessel empty and prepared to receive the light.

I resonate with that.

Now I have a deeper connection to my day off today, its not just a day off of work. It’s a day that marks a moment where my vessel has prepared itself to be filled with beautiful light from the creator. What a beautiful thing to meditate on today while I am with my family. Beautiful light filling myself, my family, my friends, and all my relations. For the whole world to be filled with the Inner Light.


Raine Dawn