The universe speaks and gifts us in many different ways, we have to be open to receiving.
Finding a deer skull was a perfect synchronicity for the energy of the current time.
This entire experience is teaching us on so many levels. One thing I’ve noticed we are all learning, is how to have compassion for those that might offend us. Deer medicine helps us to remember to have grace through all of life’s challenges. One way to do that is to develop the ability to adapt quickly to any situation, towards love and compassion.
We have had to adjust a lot in a short amount of time. Our world has flipped into a state that none of us ever believed could or would happen. When we are grounded and centered, we can hear our intuition reminding us to be gentle with ourselves and each other.
Deer medicine helps us walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves.
Let’s remember to be gentle, to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives. Don’t push people to change, rather gently nudge them in right direction, as a doe nudges her fawn.
Love and accept people as they are.
The balance of true power lays in love and compassion.
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From Latin ambi- ‘on both sides’ + dexter ‘right-handed’.
Here is a post about what I am noticing about my time without being able to use my dominant hand.
Sunday, August 11th, 2019 I fell from a ladder while painting the crease between the ceiling and wall, and I broke my radius bone and fractured my ulna in my right wrist.
I am dominantly right handed… I am an artist, educator, mother and active participant in life. My right hand has defined me for many years. Now, almost 37 years old, I find myself forced to be left handed. Yes forced, as sitting still is not an option. Change is constant, and growth is my goal.
Ever since I was young, I practiced writing with both hands. I think the ability to control both sides of our brains and bodies is a skill everyone can practice through different levels of experiments. And one that everyone should practice for the growth of their brain.
Lately I have done a good amount of creating with my right hand, painting and doing henna. I feel like the universe is giving me the opportunity to grow and expand into my left side, which in turn balances me.
At first it was a lot to process… before I knew the specifics of the break. Thoughts and questions raced through my head, however I was never overcome by these thoughts. I held to the view that everything will turn out exactly how it was meant to.
I started having faith that all was in divine order and I am to learn from this things that will help me grow. That mindset has been vital in the healing process. The healing happens in allowing oneself to go through the experience and let go of the trauma one moment at a time. To see the experience as a growing experience… not being attached to how we feel about it, but processing those feelings as the arise immediately following the experience.
So one thing I want to do is document my experience. I dont see many people who have experienced unable to use their dominant hand.
It takes me longer to do things with only one hand working. Which means I have to slow down and give myself more time.
So as of today, the bone was perfectly realigned, and I do not need surgery. I go back in one week to get another xray and a permanent cast, which should be on for 6-8 weeks. This perfect timing for back to school, and setting up my classroom. I think we will have an even more student centered classroom this year, where the students get to decide how to set up our studio space!
The growth in this moment is so real, so intense…. like fire… leaving you raw.
Balance requires constant motion, directing energy while letting it go.
Friday was the day that encompassed all emotions, and began with self-doubt and anxiety. It continued with having handle the consequences for choosing to not take the best steps in a situation 3 months prior. Feelings of inferiority started creeping in… from my perceived inability to be a responsible adult. Disappointed in myself, for forgetting… for hiding from it like it would just go away.
So many parallels between my spiritual journey, as above, and my 3D experience, so below.
Hiding from the fact that sometimes I am SO hard on myself. I work to figure things out until I can fully understand them… but that’s when the universe steps in and says…you think you know, but you have no idea. The issue was my immediate reaction was to feel bad about myself, and to feel disappointment in myself for not doing things how I knew they were to be done. And when I think I feel good about myself, and I have figured out how to be most effective at being me…. the universe throws me a new challenge that shows me, I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot more practice balancing all that is my existence.
I was asked to hold a moon ceremony for about 100 women at The Fox Run 2019 on Friday night at 7pm by the amazing Tifani Truelove. The most interesting thing about all of this, is that I had felt like I needed more time to prepare for Friday night’s moon ceremony. I felt nervous and was experiencing a flux in confidence, even though I know this was aligned with who I am. I was trying to overcompensate for my lack of self confidence. Wednesday and Thursday I was mentally exhausted and anxious as to how I would be prepared for such a big, first time experience.
With so much going on in my life, and so much to do… how will I be ready!? I wanted to take off of work on Friday, but I couldn’t do that because there was a lot to do, and I had already taken off on Tuesday for a professional development experience in Philadelphia. I knew I needed to spend time taking care of myself before this weekend began, but there was no time!
Friday morning I was forced to take care of myself… I handled my business and was able to get things straightened out, thanks to some amazing ladies. By 2pm I was able to breath a little easier, which allowed me to reflect on the physical and emotional feelings that came from that whole experience.
I realized the image I was holding onto of myself, by repeating negative thoughts about how I felt bad for making a mistake. This helped me to break down why I felt that way and where it could’ve generated.
Processing my mental, physical and emotional responses, and reflecting on how they are aligned with my highest good. That is healing.
I realized I grew up not feeling like I was doing enough, or always worried I would disappoint someone with my actions. I was replaying old programming from my childhood, of being afraid to make mistakes.
However, as always, I was reminded the universe is on my side…and by 4pm I was home and preparing myself to be open to receiving and giving during the event I was attending that weekend. I was able to get on the road and to the event with perfect timing, arriving an hour earlier than my scheduled ceremony… which is what I had planned the whole week. Realizing that all of my anxiety was a reaction to a lack of confidence in myself.
Now I find myself to be confident, enough…. but this is the deep stuff… the things we ignore because we can put a smile on, and know the universe has our back. Pushing these things away because we know we are love and light, does not help us one bit. It actually takes more light away from us. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is face these deep heavy spaces with brave love.
The Fox Run 2019 is a women’s weekend away in the woods that focuses on community, and living fiercely as wild women. There was dancing, singing, tattooing, photos, workshops, healing and love.
I arrived at 6pm, to find beautiful women… sharing their joys with one another. Empowering one another to be their best, and shine their light bring. Amazing women, organizing a gathering of community, for celebrating and healing.
Friday started balancing out…
The ceremony that was to be at 7pm, was now pushed back to 11pm… which was fantastic, but at the same time there was a little bit of disappointment. I was excited to do the ceremony early and then be apart of the party afterwards… so when I realized it was going to be after the party I started noticing my thoughts.
Part of me was happy, that I had more time to make sure I was centered and aligned for the ceremony. There was a glimpse of disappointment that I didn’t get to join in on the party earlier. Part of me wanted to go take a nap, and rest before the ceremony; especially after the day I had.
So I laid in my tent, closing my eyes and resting with intention to hold space. Then I heard the laughter, and the howling…. I knew then that holding space doesn’t mean I have to seperate myself from the party. What better way to hold space then be surrounded by that which you are holding it for. There is no better gift than to see the joy and freedom a woman feels when she expresses herself fully. I enjoyed the amazing lineup that the ladies at The Fox Run had scheduled, and was blessed to experience each part.
And then it was time… to gather by the fire, and offer up our intentions and prayers. Prayers for healing, letting go, moving forward, and remembering we are wild women.
The ceremony was powerful…
It was wonderful seeing so many women come together in prayer, to support one another and remember we are all connected. Women started sharing their stories, one by one… speaking them into the tobacco, then throwing them into the fire, releasing them to the universe and being open to receiving the gifts that are available for each of us. At that moment I was in perfect harmony with the universe. I knew everything was in perfect order… and I once again realized the power of letting go and trusting.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to lead these amazing women in this opening ceremony, and to be able to share who I am and see myself in the beautiful mirrors of my community.
… and that was only FRIDAY!
On Saturday my dear friend Eli from EliArtSparkle joined the adventure. We set up a vending tent to do henna and sell Eli’s handmade mushroom jewelry! Saturday started off slowly… but we made many new friends!
One of my favorite parts of Saturday was The Bridge is the Key, Guided Sound & Writing Meditation with Krystle Sights.
Krystle led such a beautiful meditation that was profound and eye opening for each of us in that tent. Krystle’s voice and use of the singing bowl and tuning forks really opened my energy to receive. The message for me was to nurture my inner child by using my imagination, and including my daughter in the things I do, in order to help her navigate this world. She is also helping me to remember how to navigate myself in this world.
So many times my parents have said that my daughter reminds them of me…I remember what I felt like when I was little… I realized she is teaching me to remember to nurture my inner child, while I get to teacher her ways to help her remember who she is, and to always feel confident in her power.
Saturday night dancing was a blast… free, fierce and fabulous women dancing to the beat, and burning a giant wolf that was made for the event. This wolf was well crafted, and it was powerful seeing 4 women carrying it to the fire. When they needed help, there were no hesitations… women jumped right up to assist in the placement of this effigy.
As the wolf burned, a passage was read from the book, Women who run with wolves…
“What does this wildish intuition do for women? Like the wolf, intuition has claws that pry things open and pin things down, it has eyes that can through the shields of persona, it has ears that hear beyond the range of mundane human hearing. With these formidable psychic tools a woman takes on a shrewd and even precognitive animal consciousness, one that deepens her femininity and sharpens her ability to move confidently in the outer world.”
and we all howled, releasing once more the expectations we’ve grown into.
This weekend I also did a few henna designs, and would’ve loved to have done more! Though everything is in perfect timing. <3 and I am so grateful <3
This weekend was profound, and definitely one that has changed my life. It has shown me that I am meant to lead… I am meant to share… I am meant to bring beautiful people into sacred space, so they might be able to dig deeper into their being and find healing from within themselves.
On my way home, as I reflected on the events a HUGE bald eagle flew over me. I immediately pulled over and offered tobacco to say thank you, I am open to receiving the messages you have for me.
I am ready to explode with life from within my being… to live boldly, bravely, and fully in my power every moment.
The Fool is a card of new beginnings, opportunity and potential.
What better time than the 1st of April to do this!
Spring is here, a time for planting new seeds.
Even though you don’t know exactly where you are going, you are being called to commit yourself and follow your heart, no matter how crazy this might seem to you.
Now is a time when you need to trust where the Universe is taking you.
Have an open, curious mind and a sense of excitement.
This is about new experiences, personal growth, development, and adventure.
This is a time of great potential and opportunity for you right now.
Use your creative mind with a dash of spontaneity to make the most of this
magical time and bring forth your new ideas in powerful ways.
The Fool is your invitation to relax, play, and have fun.
Treat life like one big experiment and feel yourself in
the flow of whatever comes your way.
Tap into your fullest potential by stepping into a place of
wonderment, curiosity and intrigue.
Happy April 1st!
Step into your power & embrace your fool
Recently I’ve wanted to paint more, however all things have not aligned for me to do so, whether its time or energy. I realize things are cycles but the feelings I’ve been getting have been pretty deep…
My heart keeps saying… Paint, Paint, Paint… be creative, but my mind goes through a process of elimination…. “you don’t have enough time, you don’t know what you want to create, you’ll get interrupted, its too much work.” All of these thoughts constantly swirl through my mind… but my heart keeps beating “Paint, Paint, Paint.”
The other day I was sitting around thinking about painting… feeling like perhaps its not what I should be doing with my time and energy. Maybe I’m supposed to do something more productive, using my time in a more valuable way. Maybe painting isn’t a focus of my life path anymore….. and then my phone buzzed, literally as soon as my thought had completed….
It was the universe answering me…
Almost a year ago I hung some of my artwork at my friend Jaime’s wellness center Relaxing Note. It wasn’t until recently that people started purchasing my paintings there. The other day was one of those days… right as I was questioning wanting to put more focus into painting, when I was questioning if it was valuable and apart of my path to keep painting… the universe sent this message to me…
This was such a wake up call, the angels were definitely speaking to me. I often ask for their guidance when it comes to any unalignment I might feel between my head and my heart and on Saturday they showed up to tell me something…. keep painting.
Its like there’s something keeping me from picking up a brush and putting it in some paint and just doing the thing. Its not like I’m painting any specific image, as I figure doing an intuitive painting would be the easiest to start with…. though I’m not sure that’s the case. I was able to draw 4 different pictures out… specific imagery and clean lines. Nothing too intuitive about them… so why does it feel so hard to just put some paint on the canvas!
I start to ask myself why is that I want to paint but feel unable to take action. What can I do or should I do to start painting… to begin a painting. I go into my studio, I clear off the desk, hang a painting and stand there and stare at it… unable to move… so I pulled some cards…
Whoa… talk about affirmation.
Abundance: Accepting the inner world and denying the outer world, or vice versa keeps us half… and no one who is half can be contented. We must be whole, rich in body, rich in science; rich in meditation, rich in consciousness. We must support our masculine and feminine energies within.
Remembering its all about the balance within and without.
New Vision: Seeing life in all its dimensions, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experiences that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective on the world. By allowing all of life’s colors to penetrate us, we become more integrated.
This was how my whole thought about painting started… is there a different perspective I should be seeing my creative energies…other than through painting? Is it ok for me to not be painting even though I feel like I should be? And with that thought I started to feel like I wasn’t aligned, like I was missing something… however I’m constantly realizing there is no missing something… everything is as it should be.
When your inner being opens, first it experiences two directions… the height and depth, and then slowly as this becomes your established situation, we start looking around, spreading into all other directions. This is known as Bhagavat in the ten directions.
Once your height and depth meet, you can look around to the very circumference of the universe. Your consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
Trust: NOW is the moment to jump. Move into the unknown…even if it scares us to death. When we take trust to the level of the quantum leap we don’t make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don’t say “okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I’ll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me.” The leap is the thing…and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky. When we trust, only then can we put our mind aside and open up to the immense infinity we are connected to. Nothing can be taken from us… We cannot lose our real treasure.
Trusting that nothing is wrong… that everything is right, even though I FEEL like there is something out of alignment. Trust and take the leap, just do it.
Silence: Now is a very precious time. Rest inside. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go, and the quality of your inner silence permeates everything you do. It might make you uncomfortable, accustomed as you are to all the noise and activity of the world. Never mind; Seek out those who can resonate with your silence and enjoy your aloneness. Now is the time to come home to yourself. The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life.
The understanding and insights that come to you in these moments will be manifested later on, in a more outgoing phase of your life. Wow.
Patience: We have forgotten how to wait. There are times when the only thing to do is to wait. The seed has been planted, the child is growing in the womb, the oyster is coating the grain of sand and making it into a pearl. This card reminds us that now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting….contented with no trace of anxiety.
So with this reading I see… my anxiety over if I am doing what I should be doing, or if I am spending my time in the best possible way, is really me not seeing that all is always as it should be. This is a time for trusting in the silence and having patience in the manifestation of new vision.
Its been a week since I got home from Turtle Mountain Reservation, North Dakota. It feels like I was there yesterday. My heart misses the learning, the deep immersion in the knowledge of my people, the love of my new teachers and friends, the land full of space.
This past week has been a rollercoaster emotionally.
I am happy to be home with my family. Happy to have time to rest and process all that I’ve learned and the things I’ve been through. Excited to have time to clean out things that no longer serve me in my emotional and physical space.
But all of this comes with a longing to be back in the immersion of the knowledge, surrounded by the land that my ancestors and family call home.
Realizing who I am and where I come from is huge. I mean, I thought I knew myself…but I was only skimming the surface. I am realizing that you do not know yourself until you dive deep into where you’ve come from and the lineage that your connected to.
The events and situations my mother has gone through…
The events and situations my grandmother and grandfather went through…
The events and situations my great mothers and great grandfathers went through…
all of these things have built the foundation for me to be who I am.
And again thats only skimming the surface, I still have my fathers side to learn.
Its interesting the difference I feel when I think of learning about my mothers side versus my fathers side.
My father is German…we have a family tree and written history…the Germans have integrated into American culture almost so completely. When I ask people their ethnicity, a lot of people say German. When I want to look into the history, I find a lot of it in textbooks, many written accounts, as well as stories from my fathers relatives.
Though as I sit here and write this I think there must surely be something I do not know about my German heritage as well. I feel in my heart it is just as important and valuable to learn about my fathers side, however there is something about being Turtle Mountain Chippewa that is calling me and drawing me to know more. Something about my Ojibwe lineage that feels close to my being.
I learned so much about the ancient traditions, ceremonies, legends, and stories of my people. I learned so much about life on the reservation, yet I still only know very little.
The Turtle Mountain Chippewa Reservation is only 6 miles by 12 miles wide. Only a small percentage of people practice our traditional Ojibwe ways. Only a small percentage of people know the traditions of their people.
The most eye opening thing to me is how little people know about themselves even though we might think we know who we are because we know where are parents are from, and we know our favorite people, places and things…we know how we feel about certain issues, and what we think about certain topics… but it wasn’t until my trip that I realized most of us know nothing of our true selves.
We are all connected to a lineage of people who have gained and sacrificed things which have allowed us to become who we are and to have what we have today. Our lineage is an important aspect of ourselves that we don’t always think about, nor have an opportunity to know. There are many cultures that have lost the knowledge of their ancestors, due to natural disasters, diseases, as well as colonization. Its sad that colonization plays a major role in the lost of knowledge, when we are taught that colonization is about gaining knowledge.
Imagine if people would have celebrated each others differences and learned from one another in brotherhood… how much more prosperous and thriving the human race would be. If we could see each other through eyes of love and curiosity instead of fear, we would know all the mysteries of the universe.
I am home from being fully immersed in the tradition and culture of my Ojibwe lineage, to reintegrate into the culture which comes more from my German lineage. I will to walk the middle way, realizing that both are important to making me who I am and receive all the universe has in store for me.
As I learn more about myself… I realize the magnitude of what I have to share. I realize what I am called to do. I see now the importance of deeply knowing ourselves.
Raining in the Dawn Woman
Turtle Mountain Chippewa
Use the energy…
then focus your intent on something that is your will
using an image,
then focus all the energy you feel around you …
Into that image.
Visually see the energy moving,
flowing into the image.
You are not this or that.
You are this and that.
Think of it as a fractal…
Going in and out at the same time.
You are all of the energy you’re feeling already…
It’s just not being focused…
you are capable of managing how it feels….
It just needs to be focused.
Our human bodies are just machines…
The most beautifully created machines ever made….
but the chaos of pure energy can be too much for them
if it is not focused properly.
Whether we are letting someone else focus it (I.e. Media, programming)
or we are taking control of focusing the energy
into our own intent and will.
We are not separate…we are all the same… a protective shield is unnecessary when you realize you are everything… You do not need to protect yourself from yourself…. You simply need to be one with the energy you are feeling and then focus it into an image in your minds eye that represents and is charged with your will.