Today I released a lot… I let go of old memories, and stories…I started rewriting my mental story.
Today I mourned and grieved… for situations I wish I had, and relationships I have never experienced.
Today was a heavy day. Energetically speaking. I felt it heavy in my chest, which made it hard to focus on any task. As soon as I arrived home I got a migraine. I had already decided that I was going to do yoga this evening so I chose Yoga for Migraines. It was exactly what I needed… and as I lay in shivasana massaging the base of my neck, an explosion tears occurred… emotions and memories… all based around fear.
As I continued to rub my neck, I was experiencing the memories emotionally and physically again…as if I was there in that moment. Realizing that I was releasing old patterns. The fear I felt in each memory told me I have been programmed to be scared. Scared of being hurt… physically, mentally and emotionally. Fear of being hurt… and causing someone else to react in a manner that would hurt me.
Being the reason for my own pain.
It was a lot…. I cried and replayed the memory and felt the experience and cried more… the crying was almost as automatic as my breath…it was as if my body was physically releasing the energy and old patterns.
After a few breaths in each memory, the fear subsided and I was no longer scared of that outcome because I knew that in this moment I Am that I Am.
Releasing the fear lead me to mourning the absence of an experience that the majority of people have in their lifetime… the opportunity to meet my mother’s parents, and to grow up with active grandparents. Which makes me wonder… is there a statistic on the number of people who grow up without one or both sets of grandparents?
To me this is important because it has to do with the knowledge of self, so to speak. Our energy is made up of our ancestors’ choices and experiences, and our children’s children will be made up of our choices and experiences. Knowing oneself is vital to growth and evolution. So being able to spend time with your grandparents and learn from them more about who you are, is very important.
So I mourned my mother’s parents. I mourned the absence of an authentic relationship with my fathers parents. I grieved for not being able to speak to them, and ask them questions about their lives and their parents lives. I grieved for never being able to hug them and feel their presence in the physical realm. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling.
And then I felt their presence…. in the space my breath had created… and for the first time I realized what this season was truly about. What our ancestors acknowledged and celebrated…. when the energy of the world is aligned and the veil is thin… this is when we can communicate with our ancestors and this is when we can learn from them.
Of course this is the perfect timing for releasing. Aside from the fact that there are major astrological events happening… It is almost all hallows eve, Samhain, and Dia de la Muertos. This is the perfect time for us to get in touch with who we are through our painful memories… to release the fears surrounding those experiences and fill ourselves with love and gratitude.
Who you are encompasses all of your relatives.
To connect with our ancestors and dig deeper into who we are, we can meditatively let go and release what we “know” of our ancestors experiences through mourning, grieving and celebrating the life experiences that lead them to be who they were… filling those memories in with golden light of peace, love, and gratitude. Then celebrate them throughout the week by remembering their light… perhaps light candles for them.
Do what you feel in your heart you should do…as you have all the answers within.
“My love is just a reminder”~Trevor Hall
Migwetch and Gi’zaagi’in <3
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